Life as Alphabet Soup

My fiancé’s diagnoses are like a can of alphabet soup. Murky and mixed up with squishy letters that can morph into anything.

AS/ASD, ADHD, BP1, DD-NOS, And those are the ones with short-form abbreviations.

Adjustment disorder with mixed anxiety and depression, pseudotumor cerebri, dysautonomia, mineralcortico-something-or-other deficiency, occupational problems, parent/child dysfunctional communication issues… The list goes on.

Those are just diagnoses though. To know him well, personally, you’d learn he is also polyamorous, bisexual, and an online furry who role-plays as female most of the time.

Everything except BP1 and ADHD were new discoveries (to me, and most for him) after we had gotten engaged.

To say our relationship has had challenges is an understatement.

I love him to death though. I have gone through hell and back for him already and I’d do it again.

I have my own things going on. Diagnoses: BP2, OCD, anxiety, insomnia, dissociation, PTSD, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, & possible endometriosis.

Personally, I identify most closely as genderqueer, though my body is female and I present as female to the world. This identification may be due to the mild dissociative ways I view myself as not my body. I am a soul, neither male nor female (could live in either body just fine), that lives in a female human body.

I figure myself to be an oddball. Him, too. That’s partly why we fit so well together.

He knows all of my weirdness and loves me for it. As I know his and love him.

We are survivors. Of life. Of overwhelming challenges. Of victimization. Of love gone haywire. Of brains gone haywire.

We are both atypical neurologically speaking, due to our mental illnesses and differences.

I finally figured put that I like being different. I tried to be normal for a long time. I tried normal lifestyles and ways of fitting to what I expected was expected of me. Little did I know how much more freeing it is to be myself.

Right now we both hide aspects of ourselves and plans for the future out of some necessity. Family supports us financially at the moment, so we are somewhat stuck.

Freedom draws near though: come May we will have more. This excites us.

So we look forward to our time to be free to be different.

Love. Joy. Laughter. Light.

Enjoy the journey!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: